


I Know You Do

by debwalsh



Series: Deb’s Fictober Surprise! [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Be Prepared to Read the Next Installment, Eavesdropping, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 08:20:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16280957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debwalsh/pseuds/debwalsh
Summary: Bucky overhears Steve making an admission that breaks his heart.





	I Know You Do

**Author's Note:**

> The resolution is in the next installment, I promise!

“Yeah, yeah.No, I get it.Hey, no, I know you do.It’s just ... I just don’t know how to tell him.You know how I feel.I just ... I just don’t know how to tell him, I don’t know how he’s going to react.I can’t ... I can’t risk it.No, I know I’m not being honest.‘Captain America never lies’ is a myth of the propaganda machine.Steve Rogers is actually pretty good at it.Got a lifetime of experience.”

There was silence for a long moment, then Steve’s voice dropped low, impassioned.“I know you want me to say it.I should be able to say it.I need to say it.Three simple words.How hard can they be?I love you.I love you.”

Bucky pressed his back against the wall, and slid down silently to sit in a heap on the floor, flesh and bone fist jammed into his mouth to bite back a whimper and a sob, to contain a scream.

Steve was in love.

With someone not Bucky.

&&&

Bucky hadn’t stuck around after that.  Well, his body was there, curled in on itself, fist holding back his anguish, but he had checked out.  Fortunately, the alcove where he’d been eavesdropping wasn’t one either of them paid much attention to, so Steve never noticed him there, never saw the emptiness in his eyes, the red rims, the tear tracks.  The slack mouth or the trail of drool.  

Bucky had simply let go, leaving his body behind, and Steve never noticed because Steve was in love with someone else.

The area was dark by the time Bucky came back to himself, stiff from being in the same position for what must be hours, circulation cut off to his legs because of the way he’d dropped to the floor.  His arm ached where it had held position for hours, and his fist was red and bruised from pressing his teeth into it.

Hours had passed, and Steve hadn’t realized Bucky was there, dissociated and disconnected, because Steve was in love with someone else.

Bucky felt heavy, immobile, yet insubstantial, not of this world.

He’d come back from the brink, dragged by Steve into awareness of this new century, this new decade, this new life.  A life he was beginning to understand he wanted, a life with Steve.  He’d thought that maybe Steve wanted it, too.

But while he’d been daydreaming of their initials carved in a tree inside a little heart, Steve had found someone else.  Someone Bucky didn’t even know.  And Steve was in love.

It’d been a long time since his body had fought off the drugs that Hydra had kept him on, since his body had experience one long, continuous, fucking horrible purge.His version of the serum generally kept him from getting sick.But he felt sick now.Felt ready to hurl everything he’d eaten since breaking free of Hydra, everything he’d ever shared with Steve.

He just wanted to crawl deeper into the dark and die.

Three little words.  He hadn’t said them.  Now it was too late.  If he’d ever had a chance at all.

Steve wouldn’t notice if he packed his things and left.It would be easier for him, no worries about an inconvenient roommate, an old pal who didn’t know when he wasn’t welcome any longer.And Bucky wouldn’t have to watch Steve and his new love. Wouldn’t have to have his heart ripped out and shredded every time he looked at Steve and realized he’d never see Bucky the way Bucky saw him.

He closed his eyes and listened, not just with his ears but with all his senses.Snipersense, Steve had called it once upon a time. A sixth sense that enhancement and Hydra had honed into something almost superhuman.

The apartment was empty.  Wherever Steve was, he wasn’t here.

Bucky might not have another opportunity like this.

He struggled to his feet, willing the pins and needles in his legs to simply not matter any longer to him. He’d grab his gear, his ATM card, and he’d stay the night in a hotel while he figured out his next move.He was good at planning campaigns, executing missions.That’s all this was.

Just another mission.

Bucky was good at those.

END

**Author's Note:**

> Hoping to catch up this weekend! Comments and kudos do encourage me!


End file.
